Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, LOVE leaves a memory no one can steal. Irish Proverb

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Does it make me strange?

Does it make me strange to name a baby I never knew the gender of? I told Weston not to check to see if our baby was a boy or a girl ~ at the time knowing that it was my daughter that was waiting in heaven for me would've have killed me....and I honestly mean that ~ I would've ended my life. I have prayed for years for a daughter. Don't hear what I'm not saying ~ I love my boys ~ I have three beautiful, wonderful sons that I wouldn't trade for life itself....but there is *something* missing ~ ever since I found out I was pregnant the first time I secretly hoped it was a daughter. When I got pregnant the second time I PRAYED for a daughter and actually became quite depressed when it was another boy (knowing what I know now I would have REJOICED for a healthy baby at 20 weeks and then again at 25 weeks ~ no matter what the gender) and when my third son was born I had pretty much resigned myself to boys, boys, boys, boys! Although my third son looks a *lot* like I did when I was a baby (which means he is pretty much the cutest baby ever ~ ha) and is pert-near a spitting image of my dad when he was the same age as DoodleBird (yes I look like my dad).
But then.....I got pregnant again. EVERYTHING was different! I wasn't sick 24/7, the heartbeat was so high, I just KNEW I was having a girl. I was counting down the days to the BIG ultrasound that would confirm what I thought I already knew.....I would finally have my daughter...the daughter I have longed for ever since I was a little girl playing "dolls" with my sister.
So, I have decided that although I don't *officially* know it was a girl, in my heart this baby was a girl and I am going to give her the name Emelia Irene ~ named after both of my great grandmas who are watching her in heaven until I can get there and hold her and rock-a-bye her and sing to her and never let her go.


Shannon said...

That is such a beautiful name!

If you are strange for naming your baby, then I wonder what that would make me. I've had six losses. Five of those were early miscarriages, before second trimester even BEGAN. I named each and every one of them. I happen to think it helps with the healing.

No, you're not strange for naming your baby, regardless of whether you officially knew the gender or not. It's perfectly normal, and perfectly okay to do.


The Blue Sparrow said...

I dont think its strange at all. I named Peanut and we miscarried at 10 weeks. Although I didnt know the gender, I too had a strong feeling that it was a girl. *HUGS*