Oh how I dread the 5th of each month.....I push on like it is just another day...but really it isn't. It is like a slap in the face because I have been robbed ~ and all that is left are the "anniversaries" the "Emelia would be....."
I happened upon this article today and throught it was a good one to share:
When You Don't Know What to Say
Within the past 12 days, the communities of both Mt. Pleasant and Alma have experienced the unexpected and tragic loss of young people. Carolynn Cosan, 18, lost her life in an automobile crash three weeks before she was to graduate from high school. Anna Frutiger, 23, died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism as she was completing her first year of dentistry school.
These local and tragic heartbreaks are receiving respectful attention for good reasons. Yet, around the state, country and world, other parents we do not know are also grieving because of recent deaths of children.
Whether a child is age 2 or 22 or 62 is of small consequence to a mother and father. To parents, children are children, no matter how old they get to be. For a son or daughter to leave this world before the parents seems totally wrong.
I know. I lost a 21-year-old son to a fast-moving brain cancer in 2003.
I will not intrude on others' more recent sorrow by reiterating my own experience. Neither will I advise those hurting how to manage grief. There are plenty of experts to consult and books to read. Some believe there is a specified time and order for grief management, but I see grieving and recovery as very personal and experienced in a variety of measures and outcomes.
It is often said that the death of a child is the most profound loss people are forced to bear. I know the great hurt, but in my writings I have avoided comparing the loss of a child to the loss of a spouse, mother, father, grandparent or another dearly loved. Death of a beloved inflicts great pain, and we each must find a way to survive it.
Although you may not be currently struggling with the loss of a family member or close friend, it is probable that occasionally you know of someone faced with grieving a death. That could be an acquaintance through work, school, clubs, neighborhood or community.
Those of you with kind hearts would like to offer sympathy and express care and concern, but too often it is easy to murmur a standard excuse, "I don't know what to say or do."
And so you say or do nothing. Before long, the time to show a simple kindness is gone.
Perhaps you think because your relationship with the grieving is somewhat distant, doing nothing will not be noticed or matter. After all, others with a closer tie are offering their presence, physical needs and personal assistance, surrounding the family like a warm blanket. Surely that is enough.
No, it is not. In offering condolence, there is no such thing as too much. Giving a plate of cookies when already great amounts of food have accumulated may seem excessive, but the gift of food is not just sustenance but a symbol of caring.
Attending a visitation, funeral or memorial service may seem unnecessary when you are sure there will be sufficient presence, but each soul who appears validates concern. Sending a card or note with a few personal words may seem likely to go unnoticed in a stack of others, but every card is a recognition of the family and an honor to the deceased.
It matters - greatly.
When grief calls out, give your attention. Don't claim you don't know what to say or do. Do something - anything. Even the smallest gesture can help ease the pain.
Sue Metzger welcomes comments at firstname.lastname@example.org and by mail through the Morning Sun.