On the 15th of Oct, we remember all babies born sleeping, those whom we have carried but never met and those we have held but could not take home. Break the silence. In memory of all the littlest angels. I remember you. You happened and I will always love you.
Every soul that comes into this world
comes here with a very specific mission. When that mission is
completed, the soul can leave. The holiest of souls need so little time
here in this world that some never even make it outside the womb,
others only need their heart to beat once, others not even that.
~ Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh ~
Friday, October 15, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Loss
And can it be that in a world so full and busy the loss of one creature makes a void so wide and deep that nothing but the width and depth of eternity can fill it up!
~Charles Dickens
~Charles Dickens
Thursday, September 23, 2010
One
It came and it went....one person remembered....one.
No, that one person was not my husband. No that one person was not a family member. No that one person was not a IRL friend. That one person was someone I met online a few years ago due to our common parenting interests.
It may seem selfish or self-absorbed of me or just downright laughable, but how does a day as all-consuming, completely horrific and traumatic as the day your baby died just "slip" from the mind? For the most part this is aimed at my husband, at my parents, my sister.
But then again, I guess it is time for me to "move on" (or so I've been told numerous times over the past year) ~ and their complete lack of acknowledgement of Emelia's angelversary hurts more than words could ever express. But what should I have expected? I've walked alone for the past year and will continue to do so.
No, that one person was not my husband. No that one person was not a family member. No that one person was not a IRL friend. That one person was someone I met online a few years ago due to our common parenting interests.
It may seem selfish or self-absorbed of me or just downright laughable, but how does a day as all-consuming, completely horrific and traumatic as the day your baby died just "slip" from the mind? For the most part this is aimed at my husband, at my parents, my sister.
But then again, I guess it is time for me to "move on" (or so I've been told numerous times over the past year) ~ and their complete lack of acknowledgement of Emelia's angelversary hurts more than words could ever express. But what should I have expected? I've walked alone for the past year and will continue to do so.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Life is....
“Here’s a salute to a long life; goodness that outlives the grave, love that outlasts the final breath. May you live in such a way that your death is just the beginning of your life”
Max Lucado from Out Live Your Life
I like this quote...but for me, I have love that outlived not the last breath, but the first breath. Love for a baby I'd never be able to rock to sleep, never be able to kiss away tears, never cry tears over her first day of school, over her graduating from school.
Life is cruel. Life is not fair. Life is bittersweet.
But
Life can also be wonderful.
I'm not to the point of thinking my life is "wonderful" but I am enjoying every beautiful moment and trying to not get so upset over the "ugly" moments.
Max Lucado from Out Live Your Life
I like this quote...but for me, I have love that outlived not the last breath, but the first breath. Love for a baby I'd never be able to rock to sleep, never be able to kiss away tears, never cry tears over her first day of school, over her graduating from school.
Life is cruel. Life is not fair. Life is bittersweet.
But
Life can also be wonderful.
I'm not to the point of thinking my life is "wonderful" but I am enjoying every beautiful moment and trying to not get so upset over the "ugly" moments.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Where in the World have I been?
I thought I'd explain some of the "quietness" of the blog.
In July we headed to MN for 2 weeks to spend time with my family. Thankfully that went better than expected.
We got back to MI and less than a week later, we decided to host a foreign exchange student. We picked out a girl from Thailand, who would be staying with us for two weeks.....well as "life" goes, that is exactly what did NOT happen! We ended up with two girls from China for a month =) There is a program called CETUSA and they do a month-long "summer camp" for kids and also do a 2 week "get ready" program. The kids in the summer camp go back to their home country after the month ~ the kids in the 2 week program then move onto a family that they will stay with for the school year.
If you would like to "meet" our host daughters ~ I have posted pictures and some of the activities we did while they were here on my family blog
Also I have decided that there is "no time like the present" to finish my education. I started college (many many years ago....aka Fall 2000) thinking that I'd like to be a physical therapist ~ that has since evolved into nursing. I have a minor completed (Psychology) and about 5-6 semesters left before I'll graduate with my BSN. So I've been busy getting re-enrolled in college, meeting with a new advisor, begging professors to let me in their class at the last minute.
With my oldest son in school all day and my middle son in school every day for half the day, it freed up my schedule a little bit with only one little helper by my side (read: more studying time for Mom). I'm planning on getting certified in Hospice and palliative care ~ as it stands now, I have no desire to do anything in the surgical, obstetics, pediatrics, etc type settings. I do not want to be a "hospital nurse" ~ I want to work with the dying. I was a Hospice volunteer for 2 years during high school and it was something I really enjoyed ~ heart-breaking but at the same time I focused on putting as much quality into the few days my patients had left on earth ~ and in the end, even though it was sad, it was also rewarding.
So, that is where I have been (in a nutshell) for the past 2-ish months.
In July we headed to MN for 2 weeks to spend time with my family. Thankfully that went better than expected.
We got back to MI and less than a week later, we decided to host a foreign exchange student. We picked out a girl from Thailand, who would be staying with us for two weeks.....well as "life" goes, that is exactly what did NOT happen! We ended up with two girls from China for a month =) There is a program called CETUSA and they do a month-long "summer camp" for kids and also do a 2 week "get ready" program. The kids in the summer camp go back to their home country after the month ~ the kids in the 2 week program then move onto a family that they will stay with for the school year.
If you would like to "meet" our host daughters ~ I have posted pictures and some of the activities we did while they were here on my family blog
Also I have decided that there is "no time like the present" to finish my education. I started college (many many years ago....aka Fall 2000) thinking that I'd like to be a physical therapist ~ that has since evolved into nursing. I have a minor completed (Psychology) and about 5-6 semesters left before I'll graduate with my BSN. So I've been busy getting re-enrolled in college, meeting with a new advisor, begging professors to let me in their class at the last minute.
With my oldest son in school all day and my middle son in school every day for half the day, it freed up my schedule a little bit with only one little helper by my side (read: more studying time for Mom). I'm planning on getting certified in Hospice and palliative care ~ as it stands now, I have no desire to do anything in the surgical, obstetics, pediatrics, etc type settings. I do not want to be a "hospital nurse" ~ I want to work with the dying. I was a Hospice volunteer for 2 years during high school and it was something I really enjoyed ~ heart-breaking but at the same time I focused on putting as much quality into the few days my patients had left on earth ~ and in the end, even though it was sad, it was also rewarding.
So, that is where I have been (in a nutshell) for the past 2-ish months.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Quote
I just saw this quote and thought it was a good one:
When you accept what has happened, you aren't acknowledging that it is okay but rather, that you know you must find a way to keep growing and living--even if you don't like it . . . [Don't let] grief be your constant companion . . . Realize that your grief is born out of unconditional love for your... child and rejoice in that love will never end . . . Embracing life again is not a sign that you have stopped missing your baby, but an example of a love that is eternal. ~ Wisconsin Perspectives Newsletter (Infant Death Center of Wisconsin)
Sorry the blog has been so quiet lately ~ lots going on and I'll fill you in later.
When you accept what has happened, you aren't acknowledging that it is okay but rather, that you know you must find a way to keep growing and living--even if you don't like it . . . [Don't let] grief be your constant companion . . . Realize that your grief is born out of unconditional love for your... child and rejoice in that love will never end . . . Embracing life again is not a sign that you have stopped missing your baby, but an example of a love that is eternal. ~ Wisconsin Perspectives Newsletter (Infant Death Center of Wisconsin)
Sorry the blog has been so quiet lately ~ lots going on and I'll fill you in later.
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