It came and it went....one person remembered....one.
No, that one person was not my husband. No that one person was not a family member. No that one person was not a IRL friend. That one person was someone I met online a few years ago due to our common parenting interests.
It may seem selfish or self-absorbed of me or just downright laughable, but how does a day as all-consuming, completely horrific and traumatic as the day your baby died just "slip" from the mind? For the most part this is aimed at my husband, at my parents, my sister.
But then again, I guess it is time for me to "move on" (or so I've been told numerous times over the past year) ~ and their complete lack of acknowledgement of Emelia's angelversary hurts more than words could ever express. But what should I have expected? I've walked alone for the past year and will continue to do so.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Life is....
“Here’s a salute to a long life; goodness that outlives the grave, love that outlasts the final breath. May you live in such a way that your death is just the beginning of your life”
Max Lucado from Out Live Your Life
I like this quote...but for me, I have love that outlived not the last breath, but the first breath. Love for a baby I'd never be able to rock to sleep, never be able to kiss away tears, never cry tears over her first day of school, over her graduating from school.
Life is cruel. Life is not fair. Life is bittersweet.
But
Life can also be wonderful.
I'm not to the point of thinking my life is "wonderful" but I am enjoying every beautiful moment and trying to not get so upset over the "ugly" moments.
Max Lucado from Out Live Your Life
I like this quote...but for me, I have love that outlived not the last breath, but the first breath. Love for a baby I'd never be able to rock to sleep, never be able to kiss away tears, never cry tears over her first day of school, over her graduating from school.
Life is cruel. Life is not fair. Life is bittersweet.
But
Life can also be wonderful.
I'm not to the point of thinking my life is "wonderful" but I am enjoying every beautiful moment and trying to not get so upset over the "ugly" moments.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Where in the World have I been?
I thought I'd explain some of the "quietness" of the blog.
In July we headed to MN for 2 weeks to spend time with my family. Thankfully that went better than expected.
We got back to MI and less than a week later, we decided to host a foreign exchange student. We picked out a girl from Thailand, who would be staying with us for two weeks.....well as "life" goes, that is exactly what did NOT happen! We ended up with two girls from China for a month =) There is a program called CETUSA and they do a month-long "summer camp" for kids and also do a 2 week "get ready" program. The kids in the summer camp go back to their home country after the month ~ the kids in the 2 week program then move onto a family that they will stay with for the school year.
If you would like to "meet" our host daughters ~ I have posted pictures and some of the activities we did while they were here on my family blog
Also I have decided that there is "no time like the present" to finish my education. I started college (many many years ago....aka Fall 2000) thinking that I'd like to be a physical therapist ~ that has since evolved into nursing. I have a minor completed (Psychology) and about 5-6 semesters left before I'll graduate with my BSN. So I've been busy getting re-enrolled in college, meeting with a new advisor, begging professors to let me in their class at the last minute.
With my oldest son in school all day and my middle son in school every day for half the day, it freed up my schedule a little bit with only one little helper by my side (read: more studying time for Mom). I'm planning on getting certified in Hospice and palliative care ~ as it stands now, I have no desire to do anything in the surgical, obstetics, pediatrics, etc type settings. I do not want to be a "hospital nurse" ~ I want to work with the dying. I was a Hospice volunteer for 2 years during high school and it was something I really enjoyed ~ heart-breaking but at the same time I focused on putting as much quality into the few days my patients had left on earth ~ and in the end, even though it was sad, it was also rewarding.
So, that is where I have been (in a nutshell) for the past 2-ish months.
In July we headed to MN for 2 weeks to spend time with my family. Thankfully that went better than expected.
We got back to MI and less than a week later, we decided to host a foreign exchange student. We picked out a girl from Thailand, who would be staying with us for two weeks.....well as "life" goes, that is exactly what did NOT happen! We ended up with two girls from China for a month =) There is a program called CETUSA and they do a month-long "summer camp" for kids and also do a 2 week "get ready" program. The kids in the summer camp go back to their home country after the month ~ the kids in the 2 week program then move onto a family that they will stay with for the school year.
If you would like to "meet" our host daughters ~ I have posted pictures and some of the activities we did while they were here on my family blog
Also I have decided that there is "no time like the present" to finish my education. I started college (many many years ago....aka Fall 2000) thinking that I'd like to be a physical therapist ~ that has since evolved into nursing. I have a minor completed (Psychology) and about 5-6 semesters left before I'll graduate with my BSN. So I've been busy getting re-enrolled in college, meeting with a new advisor, begging professors to let me in their class at the last minute.
With my oldest son in school all day and my middle son in school every day for half the day, it freed up my schedule a little bit with only one little helper by my side (read: more studying time for Mom). I'm planning on getting certified in Hospice and palliative care ~ as it stands now, I have no desire to do anything in the surgical, obstetics, pediatrics, etc type settings. I do not want to be a "hospital nurse" ~ I want to work with the dying. I was a Hospice volunteer for 2 years during high school and it was something I really enjoyed ~ heart-breaking but at the same time I focused on putting as much quality into the few days my patients had left on earth ~ and in the end, even though it was sad, it was also rewarding.
So, that is where I have been (in a nutshell) for the past 2-ish months.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Quote
I just saw this quote and thought it was a good one:
When you accept what has happened, you aren't acknowledging that it is okay but rather, that you know you must find a way to keep growing and living--even if you don't like it . . . [Don't let] grief be your constant companion . . . Realize that your grief is born out of unconditional love for your... child and rejoice in that love will never end . . . Embracing life again is not a sign that you have stopped missing your baby, but an example of a love that is eternal. ~ Wisconsin Perspectives Newsletter (Infant Death Center of Wisconsin)
Sorry the blog has been so quiet lately ~ lots going on and I'll fill you in later.
When you accept what has happened, you aren't acknowledging that it is okay but rather, that you know you must find a way to keep growing and living--even if you don't like it . . . [Don't let] grief be your constant companion . . . Realize that your grief is born out of unconditional love for your... child and rejoice in that love will never end . . . Embracing life again is not a sign that you have stopped missing your baby, but an example of a love that is eternal. ~ Wisconsin Perspectives Newsletter (Infant Death Center of Wisconsin)
Sorry the blog has been so quiet lately ~ lots going on and I'll fill you in later.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
How long?
How long, O Lord? Will you forget
me forever?
How long will you hide your face
from me?
How long must I wrestle with my
thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
Psalm 13:1-2a.
me forever?
How long will you hide your face
from me?
How long must I wrestle with my
thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
Psalm 13:1-2a.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Another Month....
Oh how I dread the 5th of each month.....I push on like it is just another day...but really it isn't. It is like a slap in the face because I have been robbed ~ and all that is left are the "anniversaries" the "Emelia would be....."
I happened upon this article today and throught it was a good one to share:
When You Don't Know What to Say
Within the past 12 days, the communities of both Mt. Pleasant and Alma have experienced the unexpected and tragic loss of young people. Carolynn Cosan, 18, lost her life in an automobile crash three weeks before she was to graduate from high school. Anna Frutiger, 23, died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism as she was completing her first year of dentistry school.
These local and tragic heartbreaks are receiving respectful attention for good reasons. Yet, around the state, country and world, other parents we do not know are also grieving because of recent deaths of children.
Whether a child is age 2 or 22 or 62 is of small consequence to a mother and father. To parents, children are children, no matter how old they get to be. For a son or daughter to leave this world before the parents seems totally wrong.
I know. I lost a 21-year-old son to a fast-moving brain cancer in 2003.
I will not intrude on others' more recent sorrow by reiterating my own experience. Neither will I advise those hurting how to manage grief. There are plenty of experts to consult and books to read. Some believe there is a specified time and order for grief management, but I see grieving and recovery as very personal and experienced in a variety of measures and outcomes.
It is often said that the death of a child is the most profound loss people are forced to bear. I know the great hurt, but in my writings I have avoided comparing the loss of a child to the loss of a spouse, mother, father, grandparent or another dearly loved. Death of a beloved inflicts great pain, and we each must find a way to survive it.
Although you may not be currently struggling with the loss of a family member or close friend, it is probable that occasionally you know of someone faced with grieving a death. That could be an acquaintance through work, school, clubs, neighborhood or community.
Those of you with kind hearts would like to offer sympathy and express care and concern, but too often it is easy to murmur a standard excuse, "I don't know what to say or do."
And so you say or do nothing. Before long, the time to show a simple kindness is gone.
Perhaps you think because your relationship with the grieving is somewhat distant, doing nothing will not be noticed or matter. After all, others with a closer tie are offering their presence, physical needs and personal assistance, surrounding the family like a warm blanket. Surely that is enough.
No, it is not. In offering condolence, there is no such thing as too much. Giving a plate of cookies when already great amounts of food have accumulated may seem excessive, but the gift of food is not just sustenance but a symbol of caring.
Attending a visitation, funeral or memorial service may seem unnecessary when you are sure there will be sufficient presence, but each soul who appears validates concern. Sending a card or note with a few personal words may seem likely to go unnoticed in a stack of others, but every card is a recognition of the family and an honor to the deceased.
It matters - greatly.
When grief calls out, give your attention. Don't claim you don't know what to say or do. Do something - anything. Even the smallest gesture can help ease the pain.
Sue Metzger welcomes comments at csmetzger@charter.net and by mail through the Morning Sun.
I happened upon this article today and throught it was a good one to share:
When You Don't Know What to Say
Within the past 12 days, the communities of both Mt. Pleasant and Alma have experienced the unexpected and tragic loss of young people. Carolynn Cosan, 18, lost her life in an automobile crash three weeks before she was to graduate from high school. Anna Frutiger, 23, died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism as she was completing her first year of dentistry school.
These local and tragic heartbreaks are receiving respectful attention for good reasons. Yet, around the state, country and world, other parents we do not know are also grieving because of recent deaths of children.
Whether a child is age 2 or 22 or 62 is of small consequence to a mother and father. To parents, children are children, no matter how old they get to be. For a son or daughter to leave this world before the parents seems totally wrong.
I know. I lost a 21-year-old son to a fast-moving brain cancer in 2003.
I will not intrude on others' more recent sorrow by reiterating my own experience. Neither will I advise those hurting how to manage grief. There are plenty of experts to consult and books to read. Some believe there is a specified time and order for grief management, but I see grieving and recovery as very personal and experienced in a variety of measures and outcomes.
It is often said that the death of a child is the most profound loss people are forced to bear. I know the great hurt, but in my writings I have avoided comparing the loss of a child to the loss of a spouse, mother, father, grandparent or another dearly loved. Death of a beloved inflicts great pain, and we each must find a way to survive it.
Although you may not be currently struggling with the loss of a family member or close friend, it is probable that occasionally you know of someone faced with grieving a death. That could be an acquaintance through work, school, clubs, neighborhood or community.
Those of you with kind hearts would like to offer sympathy and express care and concern, but too often it is easy to murmur a standard excuse, "I don't know what to say or do."
And so you say or do nothing. Before long, the time to show a simple kindness is gone.
Perhaps you think because your relationship with the grieving is somewhat distant, doing nothing will not be noticed or matter. After all, others with a closer tie are offering their presence, physical needs and personal assistance, surrounding the family like a warm blanket. Surely that is enough.
No, it is not. In offering condolence, there is no such thing as too much. Giving a plate of cookies when already great amounts of food have accumulated may seem excessive, but the gift of food is not just sustenance but a symbol of caring.
Attending a visitation, funeral or memorial service may seem unnecessary when you are sure there will be sufficient presence, but each soul who appears validates concern. Sending a card or note with a few personal words may seem likely to go unnoticed in a stack of others, but every card is a recognition of the family and an honor to the deceased.
It matters - greatly.
When grief calls out, give your attention. Don't claim you don't know what to say or do. Do something - anything. Even the smallest gesture can help ease the pain.
Sue Metzger welcomes comments at csmetzger@charter.net and by mail through the Morning Sun.
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