A True Friend

A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes the smile on your face ~ Tyrese Gibson

Danny Gokey - I Will Not Say Goodbye

At the end, the older woman says it all: There is a hole in my heart that will not be healed until I see him again. I couldn't agree more ~ I have a hole in my heart ~ one that will not be healed until I see Emelia again.

Laura Story - Blessings

Abraham Lincoln

Words of Encouragement

In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all . . .
...It comes with bitterest agony . . .
Perfect relief is not possible, except with time.
You cannot now realize that you will ever feel better . . .
And yet this is a mistake.
You are sure to be happy again.
To know this, which is certainly true,
Will make you some less miserable now.
I have had experience enough to know what I say.

~Abraham Lincoln. Three of Abe Lincoln's sons died: Edward, age 4; William, age 11; and Thomas, age 18.

I Refuse

I absolutely LOVE this song! I've decided to "adopt" it as my theme song for 2011 =)
I'm hoping to jump on here for a bit and update ya'll on what is new with me....hopefully this will happen within the next week!

Living a Life that Matters

At some of the darkest moments in my life, some people I thought of as friends deserted me-some because they cared about me and it hurt them to see me in pain; others because I reminded them of their own vulnerability, and that was more than they could handle. But real friends overcame their discomfort and came to sit wi...th me. If they had not words to make me feel better, they sat in silence (much better than saying, "You'll get over it," or "It's not so bad; others have it worse") and I loved them for it. - Harold Kushner, Living a Life that Matters

Great Quote

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
~ Henri Nouwen

We should all be so blessed to have a friend (or two!) such as this.

One Last Christmas

This is a video that everyone needs to see ~ you will be touched beyond words and emotions.

Why Your Heart Aches when it Breaks

I thought this was a very interesting article and worth passing on.

Why Your Heart Aches when it Breaks
Ever have a heartache? A throbbing pride that feels like it’s going to burst your chest? New research on social emotions like empathy and appreciation has shown that the way people describe potent feelings is more than metaphor: It’s scientifically accurate.

People experiencing admiration or compassion in the brain will ‘recruit’ nearby neurons to help them feel the emotion physically,” reports Search (July-Aug. 2009). “Intriguingly, the neural systems that get recruited often link to the body’s guts and viscera.” When terrible news punches you in the stomach, your brain helps you quite literally suffer the blow.

The findings come courtesy of a team of researchers led by University of Southern California psychologist Mary Helen Immordino-Yang, who took the somewhat unusual step of researching positive social emotions after working as a junior high school teacher made her curious about how inspiration functions. There’s a disproportionate amount of research into fear and aggression, Search explains, because for brain scientists those emotions are “low-hanging fruit.” Easy to induce, simple to spot on an MRI.

Social emotions like compassion, however, are a uniquely human trait; no other creatures share them. Unlocking them requires some strategy—Immordino-Yang found it difficult to consistently “move” subjects—but the results lend insight into the very core of being human.

Angry

*names have been changed to protect the guilty*
On Friday, my friend Amanda told me that her co-worker's daycare provider, Jessica, was pregnant. Jessica just had a baby in June. My thoughts were, "Wow, Jessica is sure going to be busy with two littles ones so close in age." Before I could voice those thoughts, Amanda told me that Jessica was driving across the state to get an abortion because she "couldn't afford another kid." Even though Stacy (Amanda's co-worker) told Jessica that she thought what she was doing was wrong, and that it would haunt her for the rest of her life, and that there were many people out there who would adopt that baby. None of the pleas of Stacy could deter Jessica from murdering her preborn baby. Saturday morning, she drove across the state and had a "procedure" (I love how we can call murder a "procedure" ~ has a nice clean innocent sound to it huh? When really this "procedure" leaves one dead and one wounded for life) ~ this same day, an acquaintance from my home church lost their tiny baby boy.
Yes I felt like screaming and shaking my fist at God....ummmm HELLO? Is anyone home NOW? Why not let the baby who was so wanted live, and let the baby who was "unwanted" pass peacefully before his/her mother could kill him/her?
Why have I not come to grips that life will never make sense? That horrid things will happen all the time and there is nothing I can do to stop or prevent them?
On days like this, life seems so futile.

Prayer After Miscarriage or Stillbirth

Prayer After Miscarriage or Stillbirth


God, we are weary and grieved. We were anticipating the birth of a child, but the promise of life was ended too soon. Our arms yearned to cradle new life, our mouths to sing soft lullabies. Our hearts ache from the emptiness and the silence. We are saddened and we are angry. We weep and we mourn. Weep with us, God, Creator of Life, for the life that could not be.



Source of healing, help us to find healing among those who care for us and those for whom we care. Shelter us under wings of love and help us to stand up again for life even as we mourn our loss.



Author Unknown

October 15th

On the 15th of Oct, we remember all babies born sleeping, those whom we have carried but never met and those we have held but could not take home. Break the silence. In memory of all the littlest angels. I remember you. You happened and I will always love you.


Every soul that comes into this world
comes here with a very specific mission. When that mission is
completed, the soul can leave. The holiest of souls need so little time
here in this world that some never even make it outside the womb,
others only need their heart to beat once, others not even that.
~ Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh ~

Loss

And can it be that in a world so full and busy the loss of one creature makes a void so wide and deep that nothing but the width and depth of eternity can fill it up!
~Charles Dickens

One

It came and it went....one person remembered....one.
No, that one person was not my husband. No that one person was not a family member. No that one person was not a IRL friend. That one person was someone I met online a few years ago due to our common parenting interests.
It may seem selfish or self-absorbed of me or just downright laughable, but how does a day as all-consuming, completely horrific and traumatic as the day your baby died just "slip" from the mind? For the most part this is aimed at my husband, at my parents, my sister.
But then again, I guess it is time for me to "move on" (or so I've been told numerous times over the past year) ~ and their complete lack of acknowledgement of Emelia's angelversary hurts more than words could ever express. But what should I have expected? I've walked alone for the past year and will continue to do so.

Life is....

“Here’s a salute to a long life; goodness that outlives the grave, love that outlasts the final breath. May you live in such a way that your death is just the beginning of your life”
Max Lucado from Out Live Your Life
I like this quote...but for me, I have love that outlived not the last breath, but the first breath. Love for a baby I'd never be able to rock to sleep, never be able to kiss away tears, never cry tears over her first day of school, over her graduating from school.
Life is cruel. Life is not fair. Life is bittersweet.
But
Life can also be wonderful.
I'm not to the point of thinking my life is "wonderful" but I am enjoying every beautiful moment and trying to not get so upset over the "ugly" moments.

Tagore Quote

Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain,
but for the heart to conquer it. ~ Tagore

Where in the World have I been?

I thought I'd explain some of the "quietness" of the blog.
In July we headed to MN for 2 weeks to spend time with my family. Thankfully that went better than expected.
We got back to MI and less than a week later, we decided to host a foreign exchange student. We picked out a girl from Thailand, who would be staying with us for two weeks.....well as "life" goes, that is exactly what did NOT happen! We ended up with two girls from China for a month =) There is a program called CETUSA and they do a month-long "summer camp" for kids and also do a 2 week "get ready" program. The kids in the summer camp go back to their home country after the month ~ the kids in the 2 week program then move onto a family that they will stay with for the school year.
If you would like to "meet" our host daughters ~ I have posted pictures and some of the activities we did while they were here on my family blog
Also I have decided that there is "no time like the present" to finish my education. I started college (many many years ago....aka Fall 2000) thinking that I'd like to be a physical therapist ~ that has since evolved into nursing. I have a minor completed (Psychology) and about 5-6 semesters left before I'll graduate with my BSN. So I've been busy getting re-enrolled in college, meeting with a new advisor, begging professors to let me in their class at the last minute.
With my oldest son in school all day and my middle son in school every day for half the day, it freed up my schedule a little bit with only one little helper by my side (read: more studying time for Mom). I'm planning on getting certified in Hospice and palliative care ~ as it stands now, I have no desire to do anything in the surgical, obstetics, pediatrics, etc type settings. I do not want to be a "hospital nurse" ~ I want to work with the dying. I was a Hospice volunteer for 2 years during high school and it was something I really enjoyed ~ heart-breaking but at the same time I focused on putting as much quality into the few days my patients had left on earth ~ and in the end, even though it was sad, it was also rewarding.
So, that is where I have been (in a nutshell) for the past 2-ish months.

Quote

I just saw this quote and thought it was a good one:
When you accept what has happened, you aren't acknowledging that it is okay but rather, that you know you must find a way to keep growing and living--even if you don't like it . . . [Don't let] grief be your constant companion . . . Realize that your grief is born out of unconditional love for your... child and rejoice in that love will never end . . . Embracing life again is not a sign that you have stopped missing your baby, but an example of a love that is eternal. ~ Wisconsin Perspectives Newsletter (Infant Death Center of Wisconsin)

Sorry the blog has been so quiet lately ~ lots going on and I'll fill you in later.

How long?

How long, O Lord? Will you forget
me forever?
How long will you hide your face
from me?
How long must I wrestle with my
thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
Psalm 13:1-2a.

Another Month....

Oh how I dread the 5th of each month.....I push on like it is just another day...but really it isn't. It is like a slap in the face because I have been robbed ~ and all that is left are the "anniversaries" the "Emelia would be....."
I happened upon this article today and throught it was a good one to share:

When You Don't Know What to Say

Within the past 12 days, the communities of both Mt. Pleasant and Alma have experienced the unexpected and tragic loss of young people. Carolynn Cosan, 18, lost her life in an automobile crash three weeks before she was to graduate from high school. Anna Frutiger, 23, died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism as she was completing her first year of dentistry school.

These local and tragic heartbreaks are receiving respectful attention for good reasons. Yet, around the state, country and world, other parents we do not know are also grieving because of recent deaths of children.

Whether a child is age 2 or 22 or 62 is of small consequence to a mother and father. To parents, children are children, no matter how old they get to be. For a son or daughter to leave this world before the parents seems totally wrong.

I know. I lost a 21-year-old son to a fast-moving brain cancer in 2003.

I will not intrude on others' more recent sorrow by reiterating my own experience. Neither will I advise those hurting how to manage grief. There are plenty of experts to consult and books to read. Some believe there is a specified time and order for grief management, but I see grieving and recovery as very personal and experienced in a variety of measures and outcomes.

It is often said that the death of a child is the most profound loss people are forced to bear. I know the great hurt, but in my writings I have avoided comparing the loss of a child to the loss of a spouse, mother, father, grandparent or another dearly loved. Death of a beloved inflicts great pain, and we each must find a way to survive it.

Although you may not be currently struggling with the loss of a family member or close friend, it is probable that occasionally you know of someone faced with grieving a death. That could be an acquaintance through work, school, clubs, neighborhood or community.

Those of you with kind hearts would like to offer sympathy and express care and concern, but too often it is easy to murmur a standard excuse, "I don't know what to say or do."

And so you say or do nothing. Before long, the time to show a simple kindness is gone.

Perhaps you think because your relationship with the grieving is somewhat distant, doing nothing will not be noticed or matter. After all, others with a closer tie are offering their presence, physical needs and personal assistance, surrounding the family like a warm blanket. Surely that is enough.

No, it is not. In offering condolence, there is no such thing as too much. Giving a plate of cookies when already great amounts of food have accumulated may seem excessive, but the gift of food is not just sustenance but a symbol of caring.

Attending a visitation, funeral or memorial service may seem unnecessary when you are sure there will be sufficient presence, but each soul who appears validates concern. Sending a card or note with a few personal words may seem likely to go unnoticed in a stack of others, but every card is a recognition of the family and an honor to the deceased.

It matters - greatly.

When grief calls out, give your attention. Don't claim you don't know what to say or do. Do something - anything. Even the smallest gesture can help ease the pain.

Sue Metzger welcomes comments at csmetzger@charter.net and by mail through the Morning Sun.